Reaching the Boiling Point
PHYLLIS SMITH: On Spotlight we introduce you to some amazing members from eWomen Network who have overcome tremendous odds to achieve success. One such women is Tonya Targett. She is a solo parent and an entrepreneur. She used the power of her profile to build a 6-figure business within in just months of fleeing an abusive domestic relationship. She is an award winning investigative journalist, international speaker, and has graced the stage with some of the top thought leaders in the world. Tonya, thank you for joining us!
My Awakening
TANYA TARGETT: Oh, my total pleasure and honor. Thank you so much Phyllis for having me.
PHYLLIS SMITH: Let’s get back to what happened. You’re going to tell us a story and it’s so brave and thank you for sharing what you’re about to share with us, especially, in these times of the #MeToo movement. We’re just starting to see so many women come forward who have been abused. We’re going to hear your story and thank you for the courage to share and letting other people hear it as well. Take us back to the beginning. Where were you, what happened, and when did you wake up out of it?
TANYA TARGETT: It was a long process. I often talk about a frog in a pot being boiled alive. Are you familiar with that analogy Phyllis, about the frog and the pot?PHYLLIS SMITH: I’m not familiar with it at all, but I can visualize it. I feel the pain.
TANYA TARGETT: I thought I’d ask because I may need to explain the analogy. If you put a frog in boiling water it will jump out, but to cook a frog you want to have warm water and then slowly turn up the heat. That was my life. The heat was slowly turned up and then I woke up one day and I discovered that I had been one of the women that I used to write stories about. Here I was a university educated woman, very successful, had a great career and I even was blessed and had a little girl by that stage. Then somehow, I signed over all my assets, all my ownership, all my control over to the man in my life and it was so bad that I was only allowed to drive within a certain distance of my house. I was not allowed to shop in certain stores and my bank account, which was a joint account, was audited at the end of each month and then I was required to account for any missing funds. This process happened over years and what I found myself was in these relationships what is typical is that I was slowly isolated, and I was slowly cut off from all my friends.He had given me 6 weeks to get a job at the local supermarket and I was not allowed to work in publicity or journalism anymore. I was told that I was not to be a smart ass, I was to do as I was told, and this is how it was going to go down. My daughter burst into tears, she was about 9 at the time, and she looked at me and she’s crying, and she said to me, “Mommy, if we don’t stand up to bullies they’ll rule the world.” She was talking about her father and I thought to myself, “Oh my god, I should’ve already gotten out.
”Mommy, if we don’t stand up to bullies, they’ll rule the world
I still didn’t tell what I thought to myself. Thank goodness I had made this decision and in 2 weeks we were out, and I was only out because a girlfriend of mine who watched this happen, who witnessed this happen and said to me, “Tanya, you are virtually unrecognizable and do you want to be a bad role model to your daughter, Olivia?” it was the smack across the face that I needed. She put her name on a townhouse for me to get out because I was a woman isolated. I was a woman with none of her own funds, I earned money but none of them were mine, my car wasn’t even in my own name, none of my assets where in my own name – I walked into the relationship with $200,000 in the bank and I walked out with the clothes in my wardrobe.
PHYLLIS SMITH: It’s hard to even listen to. I’m looking at this beautiful creature, you’re gorgeous and you have this light in your eyes and it’s hard to even imagine that darkness that was in your life. That at one time you were living in this cage chained to a rock. It sounds horrible.
TANYA TARGETT: I must take ownership for allowing it to happen to me and I know that some people are going to be very infuriated at that comment, but the truth is I could have left at any point in time. The truth is I did attract that kind of person into my life. The truth is I chose to ignore the warning signs. The truth is I chose to make excuses for that person and his behavior because I lacked confidence in myself and I bought into what was being played. He would say things like, “you’ll never survive without me, you’ll never make it on your own, no man is ever going to want you." I grew up in a household where I was the smart one and my sister was the pretty one, so he was pressing a part of me that was already sensitive and they know this.Did I ask for this? No. Would I like to have avoided this? Absolutely. I do take responsibility and ownership that I was a contributor to make sure that it does not happen again...read more https://www.ewomennetwork.com/blog/ewomennetwork-1/post/how-entrepreneurship-liberated-one-woman-from-abuse-161
I really, really love eWomen. I feel like I've found my Tribe and I'm not just saying that. I've been a part of the Product Launch Formula community for the past three years but I feel a new calling now, and it's eWomen. ~Tanya Targett, eWomenNetwork Orange County Chapter